Sunday, September 28, 2014

Seeing the Ex for the Last Time

Greetings Readers

Imagine this if you can.

You are asleep peacefully. 

The next thing you know you are awaken by the sound of a can of Coca-Cola being opened up not less than 2 feet from your head at 2:30 in the morning.  If the roles were reversed and it was me getting a Coca-Cola I would have opened the can in the kitchen before coming into the bedroom.   The is common courtesy as well just common sense.

This went onto my "101 things that piss off Daryl" as the ex wrote in one of her last emails to me after she went on vacation.  How could this opening a Coca-Cola in the middle of the night not.  We were the only ones in her place.  I just could not figure out why the ex did that.  It was mean.   And the thing is I work for a living whereas she was not.  She had not been working for almost 3 months due to...  Well she was not working. 

Here is the kicker the ex has not been working and she wanted to go on a vacation.  How do you go on a vacation from a vacation since she was not working.  Which the ex eventually did (and was the end of the relationship at that point).  She wanted us to go vacation and was not very subtle about it.  She wanted to go to my family's Ranch.  She had kept being bringing this up for the last 2 or 3 months of our relationship.  Bottom line, I work for a living and and I could not figure out how she was paying for stuff as well as making rent.  She has kids - gosh darn four kids so she was getting probably support of some kind.  I never asked what type since that is hers alone.  And if we did go on vacation guess who would have been paying for this vacation from a vacation.

There is a list Readers that things piss me off.  Although we all do I bet.  I am not going to say mine is less or more or mundane or complex.  And when the ex-finally said something to me it was finally in one of those last emails to me.  Mind you, she never mentioned this to me in person.  No communication on the ex's part.  So, this list exists.  Turning the radio station while ZZ top is playing.  Not cleaning the toilet bowl.  Not cleaning the kitty litterbox when it smells.  The ex sleeping all the time.  Not being able to watch a movie with alot of cursing and getting the comment that there is a lot of cursing and how can I wacth this.  Not letting me have me-time without any interruptions.  Checking Facebook in bed and the glow of the monitor keeping me awake.  The children eating my steak.  The children lying.  The drama that was made drama.  The same story over and over and over.  I couldnt keep beer in the refridgerator.  The children not cleaning up after eating.  The children watching tv and on the computer and playing a video game on another tv at the same time.  The children not cleaning up their dishes.  Ordering a drink everytime we go out (meaning coca-cola and not being satified with just getting water).  Using my washer and dryer machine almost all the time.  Changing the time on my watch.   The children not finishing their cans of Pop when I bought the 12packs.  Her making a school bag lunch while she eats my steak for lunch.  Getting on my computer without asking.  texting/talking while driving.  the ex's addiction to Facebook.  No job.  and the list could go on, but those are on the list and the ones that instantly came to mind.

You know what Readers - I might as well post the letter for you.

If you read the coupon, it expires Sunday, unless I read it wrong.
Since this gives me ONLY your name and not which email it comes from, I can only hope I am replying to the correct one so that I don't have to go through the trouble of sending it to all your multiple accounts.

For almost 2 years now, I have been listening to what you really need me to hear.  Let's just call them the "101 things not to talk about" or "101 things that piss of Daryl".  I've got it.  Most of it anyway.  I don't have all 101 things of each and have to learn what to add to either list by days like that Saturday I took you home feeling like you refused to want to talk.  Yes, I said "feeling".  What more could I do?

Well, there's something I really need you to hear from me.  No, not a Dr. John letter, don't even go there.  Of many, if not all of the 101's I've heard/learned from you, many contained something you wanted changed, either a way I acted around you, what I've said around you, what I should knock off saying around you, etc. etc.  I'll let the past be the past.  It's where it should be anyway and look at the recent.  We went to that Super Target together and I heard many times how you were going without lunch, expecting dinner to be a certain way, etc. etc.  I thought I had been holding up my end of the bargain by first asking you countless times if you wanted me to bring you something for lunch, pick you up, etc. etc. all to which you told me "no". so I got the brilliant idea of at least sending you a lunch.  I knew it wouldn't be much, I never once asked to be reimbursed (only accused of mismanaging money when you began to ask for details)  I didn't care if you threw my lunches away, went out with colleagues, asked me to pick you up instead.  That never was the issue and NEITHER was money.  The ISSUE was that I was making an attempt to once again change something I felt I was hearing you say you wanted changed, and I did this from my heart, out of love, as were the breakfasts, I was attempting they were ONLY about attempting to make your life a bit better with hopes of making you happy.  What I heard that Saturday was how my feeble attempts not only didn't make you happy, but that I failed epically at even trying.  I won't go into the kitten thing.  You know you offered to help financially and then changed your mind.  Whatever the reason, it is yours alone and I will not complain whatsoever about eating the loss.  In other words, before you bring it up, I want to say that it's a non issue. 

Yes, I've had an awesome vacation.  I've been to Navajo Nation (invited, of course), I've branded my first calf and it was a high.  I've been in the Southwest Mountains, yes, in the rain, but even wet, enjoyed being part of helping out on horse ranches, riding in semi trucks, been help at construction sites.  Stuff, I've either NEVER done or have not done in a long time.  I met up with friends and kids in Glenwood Springs and we had the time of our life.  What I found out, was that I have a LOT of friends and a LOT of opportunities before I head off to school on the 19th to spend some time away before I head back to school.  Here's what hurts and you and I both know this, I've just never expressed this.  I find it really hard to swallow that last summer while you called us an item, that you asked Deniese to spend your summer vacation with you at your cattle ranch.  And I'm the one who did the driving to light rail/bus, etc.  Another way I felt you were saying I, your girlfriend, was not good enough for such a vacation for whatever your reason, but your friend who was involved with another man was more than good enough for I won't say what I believe to be the reason.  How am I supposed to feel about this?  This time spent away, I've had a myriad of friends who know I am in a relationship with you, some even KNOW you, who feel I am more than worth the time to allow a small vacation at their ranches, etc.  They wanted me to ask you for your permission, but given your stock answer, "Do what you want.", that one was a easy give away.

Again, this is in no way a Dr. John letter, nor am I anxious to pack up my things. I just need to understand some things about myself.  I can't explain it well enough in an email, but all my life, I seem to have this issue of "not being good enough" and I really want to know why. Maybe I'll discover the reason, maybe I won't.  I did see a medicine man (Navajo Nation) who had some really great insight but I don't know how to lock that insight in to what I'm going through with this issue.

Anyway, I'm in the area for the weekend, just had minor surgery on my neck and will have another one on the 15th.  The MRI came back with the reason I've had so much trouble physically with my upper body and it is curable; only wish I'd done it years ago when the problem first cropped up.  Doesn't matter, I'm excited to finally have my physical health back!!!  This will be the only way to reach me for now.  I will be taking advantage of "getting away" until school starts, then back to the old routine again.  I really need for you to hear me and try to understand what I'm going through.

PS.  I'm up to half mile uninterrupted jog, better than my original goal by this time.  If not too late, going to try and jog the (Susan B Koman) Breast Cancer walk/run in October.

This email was really the last time telling me what's what in her life after the ex dropped me off at home on that last day we were together in July.  I already had made up the notion that we were not a couple at this point.  And right after this letter I get a message from her facebook account "This is Mark get lost jerk" and then I had a Facebook post from the ex which I did not know was on my facebook for about 5 days when I did log onto Facebook that she posted a message and letting me know she removed all her posts from my facebook page and ended with "nothing personal"  It was at that moment I unfriended her then the ex- sent many texts and couple emails and she was pissed and went crazy.  I can only assume the ex was with this guy Mark at this point, probably cheated on me/slept with him as well at that point.  I know they were in a relationship as of 7/24/14 not even a week after the ex dropped me off at my place - the bed was not even cold when the ex jumped into the bed of another.   And I was faithful up until the end even after going home that Saturday in July and making many many attempts to get my stuff.  The ex indicated in emails and text the ex wanted to talk and the email above after 7/24/14 indicated "it" was not over, but apparently the ex was lying.  It was so over by the ex lying and cheating on me.  A month later I met Mark and the ex in person at my humble abode.
Looking back on the last meeting with the ex.  I showered and got dressed up for this meeting.  I was actually hoping to get good bye sex.  LOL - the joke was on me.  The ex looked kinda sad and ragged dressed in brown.  Anyway, I opened the door and had the ex's stuff at the door which I pointed to the ex.   The ex asked if she could come in.  I said no.  You are not going to look around my place for a walk through. The ex shook her head and then said no she is not going to look around.  I let the ex in and then at the doorway the ex asked for a hug.  I do not remember the hug on the ex's part, but I was kind of resilent then hugged the ex, but was not a true welcome back hug.  The ex took my hand and then lead me to the couch.  How are you,  Did you go to the concert.  I was asking why are you even asking that.  The ex says - Have you seen my Facebook page.  I said no I unfriended you remember. The ex looks at me lowers her head and the speaks - I met the guy who took my virginity. You know him since you and he were in a special ed class back in the day.  I am an evangelist.  Remember all those times in bed I was praying for you.  The ex's takes my other hand and says let us pray.  I immediately broke the hold the ex had on my hands and said you can pray for me when you go to sleep tonight.  I am not going to pray with you.  And this conversation is over.  I then proceeded to tell the ex that I knew there was someone in her life and told the ex it was that time you posted to my Facebook account and said nothing personal.  As on cue - the ex got defensive whips out her phone and starts to look for said post.  Here was another "drama" thing the ex does when I point out or accuse the ex of being wrong.   Meanwhile, I am standing up and hear a knock at the door - The shave and a haircut - knock.  I open up and it is a guy.  It does not take a genius to figure out who this is.  The ex gets up off the couch and then goes outside next to him.  The ex says this is Mark.  I shake his hand and do not even remember this person at all.  I still do not as of this blog post.  Getting back to last meeting with the ex.  I pointed the ex's stuff to Mark and then started moving it out the door for him.  Mark starts picking up the ex's stuff and starts carrying to the vehicle.  The ex says I hope we can be friends.  I dont want to end it this way.  I said I can't.  I hope you realize how mean you were the ex says.  I said Goodbye and then closed the door.
That is that.  I did not get mad, or beg, or cry, or anything - just smiled.  The ex may have been looking for me to do one of those emotions and even tried provoking me with some of the things she said in that short chat with me.  Oh I was not in a special ed class back in elementry or Jr/ High School.  I did remember though I did get put into some class after not performing well - but do not remember what class what for.  The Past is the past for me Readers. 
Readers, that was also the problem - the ex lives in the past.  I guess I did not realize this until the above event.  There is that past once more with the ex - I am with the guy who took my virginity. 
until the next time
Daryl Charley
The Athlete on Day One

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