Friday, September 11, 2009

Forbidden Lust

Greetings Readers

I have one particular friend. A married friend that I am particularly attracted to. Granted, I have many married friends and a few them are beautiful women, but this one woman somehow stands out from the rest to me.

She has a petite frame, shorter than me, blonde and oh so my type of woman I desire; that I lust after when looking for a woman.

She came into my life about a year ago. When I first met her I was really attracted to her at first sight. Well, I am still attracted to her.

Matter of fact Readers, I made myself really to get to know her.

It did not take very long for me to get to know her as more than just as a friend.

Throughout the past year I have flirted with her and I know she has flirted back with me. Flirting is flirting, but in my view I think I have only been safely flirting. I do not think there is such as a thing as harmless flirting since flirting is showing interest in the other person. In addition to the flirting I have come to know her, her life, my life, some things we like, where we grew up, life in general and about our parents as well.

Readers, here is the dangerous part. I know from past experiences that I should not get involved in another affair with a married woman. I am now ten years older and know better than to get involved with a married woman.

Yet, deep down inside me I want her. There is really no other way to say that except to be crude and say I want to have sex with her.

However, deep inside me I do not want to perhaps ruin a marriage with her husband. I do not know if he was the first man she was with, but I have a feeling that her husband was and is the only man she has been with in her life.

In this point (age) of ours lives we just want sexual release and that’s that. There is no danger of falling in love from having sex for the first time. If I was in my twenties I might have lied about saying that I loved her in order to get sex, but now I have no problem saying that I want sex and that’s all.

Shallow, but true. I want her so bad that I have not called up my FWB for quite some time. Yes, there would be some sexual release, but to me that is not going to help my issue. I want her, and oh so bad, but I also have to be reasonable about the situation.

Matter of fact Readers, I scared myself with her that I had to cut off myself completely from her. It actually worked – she had some personal things going on in her life and I had a pretty hectic schedule that we did not have time to see / talk to each other for a while. Yet, recently I have opened the communications with her and now I am talking with her on a weekly basis once more with her and also sort of joking / flirting with her again.

She knows about my FWB and I think she is a bit jealous about her. She almost always asks about her, but I really do not give her any info. No, I am not embarrassed about my FWB. Yet, I do feel a bit uncomfortable since she most likely is trying to find out the last time I might have had sex. I should care less what she is thinking, but I do.

We are both in our late thirties and both have flirted and showed some body language that tells each other we are interested in each other. I have sort of left the flirting up to her. I cannot be the instigator of an affair if that is what she may be looking for. Readers, I am not saying that I may be the first person she has considered to have an affair with, but I know that I “perked” her interest in me.

Readers, I want her to make that decision. I am not hoping for that to happen, but I am not hoping that not to happen. Her looks, her attitude and the way we have bonded makes me want her, but in this situation I am not going to make the first move. Should she make the first move then most likely I will respond accordingly – meaning I will show my attraction to her.

I am ten years older than my last affair I had with a married woman. I have no desire to destroy / ruin a marriage and Readers I did not do that on the last affair I had. I was the guy that she picked after she found out that her husband was cheating on her. We both enjoyed the affair when it happened, but as of today we have since parted ways and never have talked to each other since. Back to the present woman I find myself attracted to, if I am able to help my friend through her marriage, sexually, then I am for it.

It is so wrong, but I do think that I would not be able to stop myself from having am affair with her should she show up at my humble abode wearing a trench coat with nothing on underneath the trench coat. Or if she was wearing something sexy I am sure that I would not be able to hold myself back from taking her right there.

This is a post that I did not want to tell you, yet I feel that should tell you Readers. This blog is about her, but this blog is a way for me to not hold things inside me. Meaning, when I blog about certain subjects I feel a certain weight lifted of my chest. I would say it is therapeutic and actually has helped me since I started blogging.

Early when we first met I did tell her about my blog, but I know that she has not followed my blog since the first time I mentioned it to her. Matter of fact, I make it no secret to everyone that I blog. I can blog about things I would not normally talk about or I can just blog about my certain day and perhaps piss you Readers off about I have acted or reacted to a certain person or thing in my life. I do like to write and talk about my life, but sometimes I do get tired of telling the same “what did you do this weekend” over and over again to my friends come Monday. Now, if any of my friends do not want to see me, or are unable to see me or I could not make any time for them all they have to do is go to my blog and perhaps read what I did do over the weekend. Then again Readers, I am not sure if I even do that – it is usually about an isolated subject or event in my life that I blog about. Right now, the only thing I cannot write about is my work. During this age blogging about your work can get you in trouble since I have seen articles about employees getting terminated over their blogs about work.

This blog is me telling you Readers of what is going on in my life and in no way is this some sort of confession of my desire to my friend by the use of this blog.

After all, this blog could be about any of the women I know.

Readers, I know that this is wrong and also listed as one of the ten commandments and should I let myself get involved with an another married woman I have truly crossed the line of right and wrong.

Now, with all that you have read just now – could I perhaps misinterpreting this sort of relationship as the sort of relationship in that movie “Lost in Translation.” Two people bonding under circumstances and form a close relationship from that. And that is all there is going to be – yet as almost the last scene when Bill Murray whispers in her ear we will never know.

I just do not know.

Until the next time

Daryl Charley
The Fallen Athlete

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